Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Top ten myths about introverts

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

http://jerrybrito.org/post/6114304704/top-ten-myths-about-introverts

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Famous Aspergers'

Science
Albert Einstein provided the theory of relativity and was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics for the work he did with photoelectric effect.  Characteristics, which may indicate that Einstein was a fellow Aspie:  Einstein could not speak fluently at the age of nine (Botham, 2006, p. 16), language delays are common in children with high functioning autism.  His parents suspected that he might actually be mentally retarded (Botham, 2006, p. 16).
Often, children with Autism are labeled Mentally Retarded or Behaviorally Disordered.  At the ceremony of induction as an American, Einstein attended without socks (Botham, 2006, p. 16).  Children and adults with autism and Asperger's Syndrome often have peculiar habits, extreme sensitivity to textures (Attwood, 2006, p. 3), and are often rated "high" on scales measuring atypicality, demonstrating odd behaviors, and seemingly lost in their own little world (Fattig, 2007).    Frequently, children with Asperger's struggle with finding socks that "feel right" or with a line at the toe that doesn't not bother them.
Isaac Newton dropped out of school as a teenager (Botham, 2006, p. 15).  A person with Asperger's may not be able to accept rules in school if they appear illogical, pursuing a point or argument "as a matter of principle," which can lead "to a significant conflict with teachers and school authorities," (Attwood, 2006, p. 11).
Benjamin Franklin was considered to be one of the most important of the founding fathers of our country.  He was a theorist, author, politician, scientist, activist, and diplomat.  His scientific contributions included physics, discovery of electricity, and theories regarding electricity (Wikipedia, 2007).  He was also the first head of the post office.  Indicating the potential need for rigid rule and order, with sorting tendencies.  "Benjamin Franklin's peers did not give him the assignment of writing the Declaration of Independence because they feared that he would conceal a joke in it," (Botham, 2006, pp. 17-18).  Aspies are notorious for an extreme or different sense of humor.
 
Politics
Napoleon Bonaparte was reportedly afraid of cats, favored mathematicians or physical scientists, and tended to exclude humanists from his inner circle.  He believed humanists were troublemakers.  He also required his servants to wear his boots, breaking them in for him, before he would wear them (Botham, 2006, p. 17).  Napoleon may have exhibited a social deficit, leaning towards others with similar intellectual and personality traits.  He may have been preoccupied with perseverative or unfounded fears, with a hypersensitivity to textures on his feet or person. 
George Washington, the first president of the United States of America.  Aspie signs:  George grew marijuana in his own garden (Botham, 2006, p. 2).  Many adults with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome or Attention Deficit Disorder, self medicate in order to "soothe their restless brains and bodies," (Richardson, 1998, p. 1).  He was extremely terrified of being buried alive, therefore, he dictated that he be "laid out for three days just to be sure he was dead," (Botham, 2006, p. 2).  Perseverative fears and bizarre adherence to seemingly ineffectual rules or rituals are common in people with Asperger's Syndrome and autism.  People on the Aspie team, perceive or think about the world differently than others (Attwood, 2006, p. 2).  George reportedly had to borrow money, in order to attend his own inauguration ceremonies (Botham, 2006, p. 2).  Difficulties with money management, pack rack tendencies, and/or impulsively giving possessions away are common traits in the Aspie race (Fattig, 2007). 
John Quincy Adams, also a president of the country, owned and kept a pet alligator in the East Room of the White House (Botham, 2006, p. 3).  Again, atypicality is a common thread for our people (Fattig, 2007).  He reportedly took his "last skinny dip in the Potomac on his seventy-ninth birthday," (Botham, 2006, p. 3).  No further comment needed.
Andrew Jackson maintained the belief that the world was flat (Botham, 2006, p. 3), indicating rigid concrete thinking, without the ability to see anothers perspective (Attwood, 2006, p. 2).  May be he, too, was on our team?
Andrew Johnson taught himself tailoring, and made his own clothes and clothes for those in his cabinet (Botham, 2006, p. 3).  Tailoring may have been a means of self-medicating the "gut wrenching feelings that accompany ADHD," (Richardson, 1998) and Asperger's Syndrome.  Often, people with Asperger's, like people with true ADHD, feel nervous or fidgety inside and cope through leg bouncing, gum chewing, crafting, knitting, steepling their fingers, knuckle popping and other behaviors (Garnett & Attwood, 1995).
Abraham Lincoln had a nervous breakdown, and before his election to the presidency in 1860, he lost eight other elections (Botham, 2006, p. 4).  Asperger's is often first misdiagnosed as depression, anxiety, bipolar, or a breakdown and running repeatedly for office may be indicative of perseveration, ritualistic need for routine even when it doesn't appear to be working, and rigidity (Fattig, 2007).   Also, Lincoln's mother reportedly died after drinking milk from the family cow, after it ate poisonous mushrooms (Botham, 2006, p. 4).  Not a sign or characteristic of Asperger's, but weird nonetheless.
James Garfield was able to write in Latin with one hand, and in Greek with the other hand... at the same time (Botham, 2006, p. 4).  Evidence of savant skills?
After being shot, Teddy Roosevelt refused to accept medical assistance, until after completing a speech he was delivering (Botham, 2006, p. 4).  Rigidity of rule and routine,  with a touch of obsessive-compulsive behaviors?  He also wrote 37 books (Botham, 2006, p. 4).  Repetitive, stereotypical behaviors with perseverative tendencies perhaps?
William Taft got stuck in his bathtub on the day of his Inauguration, and "had to be pried out by his attendants," (Botham, 2006, p. 5).  Eating disorders are often a part of Asperger's Syndrome and autism.  Hyper reactivity to gustatory, olfactory, or textural can lead to under eating, refusal to eat all but just one or two foods, or malnourishment.  Hypo reactivity to gustatory or vestibular, can lead to bored eating, compensatory eating, comfort eating, and obesity.  "Unfortunately, professionals as well as concerned family members and friends mistakenly blame parents of children with autism spectrum disorders for their child's poor eating habits. Sometimes parents' concerns are ignored and they are told not to worry since most children go through stages of picky eating and food fads," (Wheeler, 2004, p. 1).
Harry Truman's middle name remained just an S, because "his parents could not decide between two different names beginning with S," (Botham, 2006, p. 6).  Although not technically associating characteristics to Harry himself, parents of children with Asperger's frequently exhibit characteristics as well.  The core characteristics of Asperger's Syndrome include limited or restricted social awareness and understanding; difficulty or inability to maintain reciprocity or give and take conversationally; and intense or restricted interest in a subject (Attwood, 2006, p. 2).
 
Royalty with Asperger's Characteristics
Louis IV, who was the kind of France, reportedly had a stomach that was twice the size of a normal stomach, and he only bathed one time a year (Botham, 2006, p. 10).  Hygiene issues and failure to acknowledge or dress in trendy fashions can be notoriously difficult for people with Asperger's, especially those with extremely high IQ's and a hyper reactive olfactory response.  Soaps and perfumes can be overwhelming to their olfactory system.
"Catherine the Great relaxed by being tickled," (Botham, 2006, p. 10) which could be a result of the characteristic sensation seeking of light to moderate touch, of those Apies with Hypo reactivity to touch or proprioceptive feedback.
Reportedly, Cleopatra and other female Egyptian rulers wore a fake beard (Botham, 2006, p. 11).  In our brains, neurons are the transmitters for perception, thoughts, feelings, and emotions.  Research has demonstrated "massive neurological effects" hormones can have on females during the different stages of life and maturation (Brizendine, 2006, p. 3).
Females are considered to be superior in empathy skills and males are traditionally found to be superior systematizes.  If a woman with autism is better at systematizing, with extreme attention to detail, and less compelled to demonstrate typically "female characteristics' in relationships (e.g., valuing altruistic, reciprocal relationships, cooperative engagement, strong friendship bonds, nurturing, and smoothing or resisting conflict); but rather favors task specific activities, aggression, solitary activities, or other "male characteristic" behaviors, (Baron-Cohen, 2002, p. 2), she may become ostracized, envied, or socially isolated.  This emotional "maleness" may lead to relational conflicts and a lack of intimate relationships, gender confusion, wanting to dress like the opposite sex, or become the opposite sex. 
Peter the Great reportedly killed his wife's lover, and then "forced her to keep her lover's head in a jar of alcohol in her bedroom," (Botham, 2006, p. 11).  Excessive and unpredictable moods, irrational outbursts, or tantrums are not uncommon in people on the spectrum. 
Wilhem II reportedly had a withered arm, that he often hid by posing with it resting on a sword or holding a glove (Botham, 2006, p. 11).  People with Asperger's become masters of masking our differences. 
Alexander the Great experienced seizure disorder (Botham, 2006, p. 11).  Seizure disorder is present in a percentage of people with autism.
 
Artists
Leonardo da Vinci took twelve years to paint the Mona Lisa' lips, and could write with one hand while drawing with the other (Botham, 2006, p. 13).  Perfectionist tendencies, with moderate cross over discrimination deficits, and savant skills?
Vincent van Gogh committed suicide (Botham, 2006, p. 14).  Depression sometimes accompanies people with Asperger's and in extreme cases can lead to thoughts, talk of, or suicide attempts (Attwood, 2006, p. 15).
Composers/Musicians
Beethoven was such a poor music student, that his music teachers decided he was hopeless as a composer and each time he sat to write music, he reportedly "poured ice water over his head," (Botham, 2006, p. 30), indicating the potential inability to "show" what he could do and a potential preoccupation of sensory experiences (Attwood, 2006, p. 4), or need for unproductive idiosyncratic routine.
Elvis was a notorious over eater, failed his music class in school, never ever gave an encore, and had ten distinctly different drugs in his body when he died (Botham, 2006, p. 34).  He may have been compulsive with food/sensory perseverations, school failures, rigid need for routine and control, and self-medicating?
 
Philosophy
Jeremy Bentham left his estate to a London Hospital, so long as they allowed his body to continue to preside over board meetings.  "His skeleton was clothed and fitted with a wax mask of his face.  It was present at the meeting for ninety-two years and can still be viewed there," (Botham, 2006, p. 15).  People with Asperger's can maintain vivid or complex imaginary worlds, often with imaginary friends (Attwood, 2006, p. 15). 
Socrates committed suicide (Botham, 2006, p. 16), indicating potential depression stemming from difficulties with understanding social conventions, a development of "compensatory thoughts and attitudes for feeling alienated, socially isolated and not understood," (Attwood, 2006, p. 14).  The suicide rate in people with Asperger's is higher than that of the neurotypical population.
 
Inventors
Henry Ford reportedly believed history to be bunk, and he firmly believed in reincarnation (Botham, 2006, p. 18).  Concrete thinker without the ability to understand or tolerate another perspective, rigid belief system? 
Bill Gates has long been suspected of demonstrated Aspie traits, and where would we be without his contributions?  His first business, Traff-O-Data, involved the creation of a machine recording the number of cars passing a point on a road (Botham, 2006, p. 18).
 
Actors
Robin Williams was voted least likely to succeed in high school (Botham, 2006, p. 27).  People with Asperger's are noted to have "an unusual prosody" affecting tone, rhythm, pitch, and speed of speech.  And egocentric preoccupation dominates their thoughts, and they often need more assistance in self-help skills and organization (Attwood, 2006, p. 3).  Kindergarten through 12th grade is particularly difficult for our team, and we often can not "show" who we are or what we can do, until post high school education.
Tom Hanks is reportedly related to Abraham Lincoln (Botham, 2006, p. 22), and genetic ties are strong in our people (see above regarding Abe Lincoln). 
Marilyn Monroe had a history of emotional instability, depression, and suicide.
Clark Gable used to take more than four showers a day (Botham, 2006, p. 26), indicating potential obsessive-compulsive characteristics, frequent in the Aspie population. 
"Every episode of Seinfeld contains a Superman reference somewhere," (Botham, 2006, p. 40).  I will say no more.
 
Writers
Author, Virginia Woolf, would only write her books when standing (Botham, 2006, p. 59), and she suffered from depression, social isolation, and eccentricities.
Shakespeare reportedly spelled his own name in several different ways (Botham, 2006, p. 60).  Hans Christian Anderson was word blind and he never learned to spell correctly (Botham, 2006, p. 61). Written language difficulties often accompany Asperger's Syndrome and ADD/ADHD.
Goethe reportedly hated the sound of barking dogs (Botham, 2006, p. 60), which could indicate hyperactivity to sound or noises; and he "could only write if he had an apple rotting in the desk drawer," (Botham, 2006, p. 60). 
Isaac Asimov has a book included in each Dewey decimal category (Botham, 2006, p. 61), which could indicate compulsivity or perseverative need for control or ritual.
The novel, Gatsby, written by Ernest Vincent Wright, has a word count of fifty thousand with no word containing the letter e (Botham, 2006, p. 60). Phobic?
Charles Dickinson dropped out of school and suffered from insomnia.  He believed that if his bed was facing north, and he was in the center, he might be able to sleep (Botham, 2006, p. 61).  Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, nightmares or night terrors, is common in people with Asperger's.   Creating odd rituals and routines as a coping mechanism is also frequent in our people.

 http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/article_2086.shtml

WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS SCHIZOID

(Written from a woman’s perspective)
It’s an axiom of life that you cannot change another person. Most people in ordinary relationships enter them
 believing that they will mould their partners  to better fit their perception of the perfect partner. Unfortunately, they are doomed to failure.
 But no-one more so than the person who believes he/she can change someone with a schizoid style, or full-blown SPD.

You may find yourself drawn to a schizoid because they are often: sensitive, self-sufficient, independent, intellectual,
 profound thinkers, non-prejudiced, and have a natural affinity for animals and children.

However, they are also often: aloof, detached, distant, emotionally cold, withdrawn, anti-social, unaffectionate, isolated,
 unambitious, insensitive to the needs and feelings of others, and incapable of intimacy.

If you are mature and independent enough to tolerate these traits, then your relationship may work. However,
 your relationship with a schizoid should never be central to your existence, because they are usually incapable of fulfilling your needs for affection,
 closeness, intimacy, and socializing. In addition, they constantly feel pulled between two opposing poles – one
 in which they strongly desire a relationship,
 and another in which they definitely do NOT desire a relationship. This may lead to a pattern of breaking-up and making-up, which may leave
 you feeling bewildered and hurt. Schizoids also require lots of space and solitude. So don’t expect your schizoid partner
 to want to be with you every day – it’s more likely to be once a week, or less.

The only way you can make this relationship work is by maintaining space between you, and never making demands
 of any kind – especially not emotional ones.
 This may sound very one-sided, and perhaps it is. But if you love this man for what he TRULY is
 (and not for how you or therapy is going to change him),
 and you are independent with a strong sense of self-worth, then this relationship stands a chance. Ultimately, you have to want this relationship
 for the pleasure of the limited time you spend in his company, and not for what you can get out of it.

If you do not have a fulfilling life of your own, and are emotionally needy – or needy in any other way,
 I suggest you get out while your heart is still intact.

In reality, a relationship with a schizoid should be no different from any other relationship. It’s just that religion, society, music, poetry,
 and fairy tales have led us to believe that it takes someone else to fulfil our needs and make us happy.

Loving your wife/woman

1- Your Problem

You are in a relationship. She believes in love, and has committed herself to you.
You are a schizoid, you like her and want her to be your partner.
Initially, your relationship progresses well, and you have great expectations.
She is happy and wants to be with you forever.
You need your own space, and time alone.
She is extremely affectionate and shows this through loving gestures which you try to avoid.
Her love seems enormous, while yours is modest. And you almost always show her coldness.
Soon she becomes disillusioned.

2- Her Problem
If this continues, and your silences and coldness continue, she will become more anxious.
In the beginning, she may try to play her anxiety down.
Later, her friends and family may recommend that she leave you.
Despite her sadness, she will remain committed to you, and will try and save the relationship
by ignoring everyone except her heart.
She will want things to change, you to change, your relationship to take another direction.
She wants to help you change - she wants to help you.
If you do not respond, she will start becoming indifferent.
She expects you to provide affection and stability. She expects to feel loved, to have your support...
but you seem to be somewhere else.
Eventually she feels abandoned.
She wants physical intimacy, and you are not interested. Your wife begins to lose her self-esteem.
The end looks close, and the word ‘separation’ is heard for the first time in your house.

3- What to Do
Become aware of the situation described above.
Show her affection any time you can -  with words and physical contact.
Actively practise ‘cold’ affections which do not require any special emotions, and which can be driven by thoughts.
TRY to put yourself in her place.
Explain your situation to her so she understands your limitations.
 Tell her that you do not usually express your feelings.
Do meaningful things which only require planning, and she will realize that you have thought of her.
 Buy her gifts, remember anniversaries...
Help her with the tasks that she normally takes responsibility for.
TAKE an interest in her and the things her family does.
DO things just because she likes you to do them.
FIND out what she worries about and, because the problem is not yours, remain calm and try to comfort her.
If she has serious problems, you cannot look disinterested at all. Be with her, and remain with her.

These ‘cold’ affections do not require strong emotion. They are possible and can be done – all you need is discipline.
 In addition, they have the power to keep your relationship going. If you reinforce them with ‘warm’, spontaneous affection,
they will help her to feel more secure and happy within the relationship.
In fact, they can repair your relationship, and create a more solid foundation.

Social contact causes damage

Excessive social contact may cause illness

1-Contact and damage

Excessive social contact will have a negative effect on the schizoid because it creates stress,
and this stress accumulates.

When social contact becomes excessive, the schizoid may develop acute psychological malaise, anxiety,
depression, psychotic episodes, disruptions of all type, suicidal thoughts, display hikikomori...

2- Tolerance and the need to break off …

This pattern occurs again and again: you're in a situation which involves personal contact.
This creates stress. You want to do it, you want to be there, you want to maintain it and even pursue it.
But stress levels continue to escalate and suddenly, you feel ready to explode.
If you're going out with a woman, you suddenly walk out, with no known reasons.
If you're in a group, you disappear.
You may even have a well-paying and enjoyable job which, suddenly, becomes unbearable.
When you realize that you're suffering, you may attempt to hold on, and may even succeed for a while.
Later, though, any motivation to remain will disappear, and you feel an irrepressive need to flee.

3-      Social health

According to the WHO, health is determined by physical, mental, and social well-being.
The schizoid must address the problem in his social health.
To function fully, humans require harmonious social relationships.
However, since the schizoid’s social relationships are troubled, he needs to make an adaptation (See  Treatment).
Total isolation is not healthy, and must be avoided.
Though the schizoid’s tolerance for physical presence in the social environment is minimal,
he/she should attempt to find some means of social integration which is non-threatening and satisfactory.