Living With Aspergers

Many people misunderstand Aspergers and its effect on those living with it. Is it really a life sentence?

I have Aspergers. Curiously, or not, I was only recently diagnosed at the relatively mature age of 36, only after my children were diagnosed. In fact, it’s been somewhat of a family journey, with first my son being identified for assessment, followed by me recognising the characteristics of Aspergers in his much younger sister, and finally, rather belatedly examining my own history.

It’s not an uncommon scenario, as gen-Xers tended to go undiagnosed in childhood, but with the increasing awareness of autism spectrum, their children, going through the school system, are often recognised first. Add to this the fact that adult women on the mild end of the spectrum are the hardest of all groups to uncover.

Social Impairment in Aspergers

As with most aspies – as people with Aspergers like to call themselves – growing up, I felt personally deficient; aware of my inability to merge socially with my peers, I suffered severe anxiety, but managed to put together a social mask, which, by remaining out of the spotlight and by careful observation of those around me, made me appear "normal." Well into my 30s I was acutely aware of being unable to connect with others as I saw them connecting with each other.

Social Skills, Self-Acceptance and the Importance of the Online Community

Coming to terms with my "deficiencies" took maturity, time to observe and learn social skills, as well as dealing with the crippling anxiety – but most healing of all was discovering that I wasn’t alone, but that I am part of a worldwide community of people who have similar experiences, quirks, and in fact, neurology.

The beginning of my personal road to inner harmony was the affirmation of the online community, a haven perfect for face-to-face-shy aspies. Their stories of common experiences were a portal to self-acceptance.

Role Models for Aspies

As we connect, we come to have a sense of aspie pride – a sense, not of our deficiencies, but of our strengths, of the certain flavor we bring to the world, of what our forebears in neurology have accomplished. People as distinguished as Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and Benjamin Franklin are claimed by the autism community – does it matter if they were not officially diagnosed? Perhaps not.

Adults living with Aspergers, and the young people following in their footsteps, need those role models, people who went forth and achieved, despite or because of, their differences. They need to be encouraged to hold their heads high, because they do face obstacles in this neurotypical world (neurotypical being the neurology typical of people not on the autistic spectrum), to reach their potential, because it ultimately benefits all of us if their strengths are tapped.

Schooling and Asperger's Syndrome

For people with Aspergers, growing up is probably the most hazardous time, since without understanding caregivers and teachers, let alone peers, self-esteem can take a severe beating, leaving sufferers with a sense of low self-worth, and often causing debilitating anxiety, which can have far reaching effects, leading to behavioral and social problems which last into adulthood. For children of the next generation, the outlook is more positive, as more children are identified and referred for diagnosis.

But the truth is, we are still in far from an ideal situation. There is still widespread misunderstanding of Aspergers. Even with a diagnosis, children often find themselves in detrimental environments, particularly at school.

When it comes to the way in which students with Aspergers and their particular needs are managed, it varies widely from school to school, and classroom to classroom. Some schools have embraced the challenge, putting strategies like buddy systems in place to help the student to cope socially, and sending teachers on courses to educate them on the autism spectrum, while other schools still resist change.

Surviving Aspergers

In summary, whether or not Aspergers is a life sentence in a negative sense depends on many things – for children, having their condition understood by caregivers and teachers who can help them to learn skills and strategies for surviving the neurotypical world, avoiding debilitating anxiety; while for adults, becoming connected to others on the spectrum will often lead to a journey of self-acceptance and renewed self-worth.

Causes of Asperger's Syndrome

Causes of Asperger's are unclear, but the autism spectrum disorder is certainly not caused by "refrigerator mothers." Genetics appear to cause Asperger's.

The exact causes of Asperger’s syndrome are unknown, although Asperger’s research has identified several predisposing factors. Sometimes referred to as high functioning autism, Asperger’s syndrome is one of the “milder” autism spectrum disorders. Autism spectrum disorders (ASD) such as classic autism and childhood disintegrative disorder produce symptoms that are more severe than Asperger’s symptoms.
Asperger’s symptom severity varies widely from individual to individual, and like other autism spectrum disorders, Asperger’s is a lifelong condition.

Myths of Asperger’s Syndrome: Refrigerator Mothers

Asperger’s syndrome, as an autism spectrum disorder, falls victim to many of the misconceptions that plague autism. In the 1940s the cause of autism was thought to be a cold, aloof “refrigerator mother.” This notion wasn’t just popular misconception: the refrigerator mother was accepted as an autism cause until the 1970s.

Unfortunately, the notion of the refrigerator mother entered popular culture, and the theory of the cold, distant parent is occasionally trotted out as one of the causes of Asperger’s syndrome .

Asperger’s Parenting

Asperger’s symptoms often lead people to dismiss Asperger’s kids as ill mannered, badly behaved, and rude. From this assumption it’s only a quick jump to that most popular of games: Blame the Parents.
Bad parenting does not cause Asperger’s syndrome. If bad parenting, how to explain families which include both Aspies and “neurotypical” siblings? If bad parenting causes Asperger’s syndrome, why would one child be affected but not the other?

Possible Causes of Asperger’s Syndrome

So much for what doesn’t cause Asperger’s. What does? Comparisons of brain activity of Asperger’s and typical kids suggest that Asperger’s syndrome results from abnormal changes in embryonic cells that alter brain structure and thought processes.

All well and good, but what causes the cellular changes in the first place? A genetic cause seems likely. Asperger’s kids often have family members who exhibit Asperger’s-like traits. These traits may not be clinically significant, but resemble Asperger’s behavior enough to suggest a genetic cause.
(As a side note, there’s a theory that parents exhibiting autism-like traits may have inspired the refrigerator mother hypothesis. Parents may have exhibited some of the aloofness and social distance that can occur in autism / Asperger’s).
Asperger’s syndrome has a gender preference: males are four times more likely than girls to develop Asperger’s. This may support the argument for a genetic cause of Asperger’s.
Asperger’s is a complex condition, with individual “Aspies” displaying a wide range of symptom severity. Most researchers believe that a cluster of genes causes Asperger’s, rather than a single Asperger’s gene. It is also possible that environmental factors interact with genetics to trigger Asperger’s.

The Asperger’s “Cure”

Some people hope that determining the cause of Asperger’s syndrome will produce a cure. At present no Asperger’s “cure” exists, and many would say that one is not needed. Asperger’s may well be simply another way of perceiving the world and part of the normal range of human behavior.
Disclaimer: The information contained within this article is for informational purposes only, and is not intended to be a substitute in any way for care and treatment by a qualified health professional.

http://www.suite101.com/content/causes-of-aspergers-syndrome-a57197

Teenagers and Asperger's Syndrome

Teenagers who are diagnosed with Asperger's, an autism spectrum disorder, may react differently to new stimuli and may need guidance to function without conflict.

Asperger's Syndrome, or AS, is defined as an autism spectrum disorder, and is usually less severe than a strict autistic diagnosis. It is a disorder that affects social behavior in daily life. Children with Asperger's Syndrome have a hard time discerning social cues, often show repetitive behaviors, and can be obsessive about certain interests. When a child diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome becomes a teenager, they must deal with the typical hormonal changes, but also may need new interventions to help them adjust to the nuances of adolescence.

Learning How to Decode Social Cues

In adolescence, communication becomes complicated, as teenagers invent words, signs, and body language to discreetly talk with a friend. For a child with Asperger's who has been struggling just to understand common social cues, this change can be frustrating and incredibly difficult to understand. According to Dr. Teresa Bolick, author of Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence, teenagers with Asperger's communicate the best when language is "concrete and definite." Therefore, teenage conversations that use shortened terms or lingo are going to be very difficult for a child with Asperger's.
Reading body language and understanding sweeping generalizations can also be quite frustrating. Therefore, adolescents with Asperger's Syndrome benefit from systematic social training, where they are given the change to role play, study body cues and language, and practice interpreting new signals that may not have been evident in early childhood. Dr. Bolick recommends speaking clearly, using a small amount of abstract terms, and directly communicating as much as possible.

Building New Friendships and Relationships

Teenagers begin to see themselves as independent entities and often use this time in their life to forge new friendships and intimate relationships. For a teenager with Asperger's Syndrome, friendships can be a struggle. This child may not understand social cues, and may not know how to be someone's friend. They may feel the typical feelings of a first crush, but be uncertain on how to act on it. Dr. Carol E. Watkins, author of Asperger's Disorder with the Northern County Psychiatric Associates, again recommends social therapy to help combat the frustration. She states that social training can help teenagers who are dealing with Asperger's understand social cues, slang, and meet other children who feel similarly about how to deal with new friends. Dr. Bolick suggests that in these social trainings, teenagers should be taught how to listen, and how listening and reacting appropriately can lead to stronger bonds. She also advises that a parent try to explicitly explain what the act of flirting is, by pointing it out on a TV show or movie.

Social Skills Training can Lead to Less Frustration

Adolescence is a time of tumultuous change for most children, but for teenagers dealing with Asperger's Syndrome, it can be one of tremendous difficulty. In order to combat this frustration, social training is critical. A small class with an instructor who is capable of creating strong bonds and trust within her students is key. Once this bond is created, systematic teaching of how to interpret indirect communication, manners, and body language can take place, and may help remarkably in allowing this type of teenager to navigate the often confusing world of adolescence.

http://www.suite101.com/content/teenagers-and-aspergers-syndrome-a207232

Schizoid Picture

Creating Spontaneity in an Asperger Relationship

Most relationships rely on spontaneity, but for those affected with Asperger's Syndrome, surprises may never happen, nor be wanted. For fun to exist, it must be planned.

Many couples can share exciting stories from when they were dating or give examples of spontaneous and fun events in their marriage . They may say how they surprised their spouse for their anniversary. They may lovingly explain how their husband kept a secret for so long to surprise them, or how they felt when they could drop everything to take a trip together. Spontaneity is important to many young couples, but for a couple where one partner is affected by Asperger's Syndrome, surprises and unplanned events may never be experienced.

The Need for Routine

Individuals with Asperger's Syndrome have a high need for routine and like events to be scheduled. People with Asperger's may eat the same thing every day for breakfast. They may insist on keeping the same traditions year after year without trying anything new. They may not be able to handle a disruption in their calendar day or a change in plans. People with Asperger's may not be able to appreciate the fun of a spontaneously planned date from their spouse. It may also be difficult for them to come up with new and fun ideas themselves.

Difficulties With Change and Transition

Many wives think it is fun to change things around or to spice things up in a relationship. Many husbands couldn't care less about the decor in their home or how the furniture is arranged, but to a man with Asperger's, a moved couch or newly painted wall may cause panic and upset.

Just like they hate change, they may also not be able to handle transitioning from one activity to another too quickly. A spouse with Asperger's must be warned ahead of time before something new is to happen or when an event will end.
Many people with Asperger's cannot handle surprises. While many people would love the sight of a wrapped Christmas present awaiting them or the idea of their friend surprising them with something new, those with Asperger's do not react with the same joy. They would rather not know about a present unless it were the time to open it, and they cannot appreciate something new unless they knew about it ahead of time.

Asperger's Syndrome and Dating

Dating may not cause too many problems for a person with Asperger's, particularly if the person affected is the one planning the dates. This will allow him to handle all the decision making and planning of events. Even when not scheduling the events, the activities are usually planned enough ahead a time to give the partner with Asperger's time to accept the idea and be ready. It may not be so much that a person with Asperger's does not like to try new and different things, but that he just needs some extra time to process the ideas and be emotionally ready.

Asperger's Syndrome and Marriage

Once married, a couple affected with Asperger's may feel more at ease with each other. The partner with Asperger's Syndrome may feel he does not need to go beyond his comfort zone to impress his spouse. He will settle even more into his set habits and routines as marriage goes on. He may be more than happy to spend all his days with his spouse in the comfort and familiarity of their own home. However, this does not always make the marriage fun for the spouse.

Compromise in an Asperger Relationship

Over time, a couple living with Asperger's Syndrome will learn what upsets the affected spouse and what rituals must be kept the same from day to day. They may know that they can't drop everything to go out to a movie or always go on an unplanned date. They may not be able to change the one day a week that they have breakfast for dinner, but they can find some compromises in their marriage.
A couple can decide together that it is OK to change the furniture around, paint a room a new color, or change the decorations as long as they discuss it ahead of time or warn the partner with Asperger's of when the change will take place. They can have a different meal on Saturday night as long as they prepare their spouse with the change ahead of time.

Accepting Planned Spontaneity

Couples with Asperger's may have to accept that there will not be a lot of surprises in their relationship. They can find a way to have fun and try new things, although it may have to be planned. Some couples may be able to write down a list of suggestions for each other of ideas that would be fun, and then they can choose from these approved events before planning a new date.
It is not so often that a person with Asperger's cannot be spontaneous himself, but that he can't think of anything that his spouse would like to do. Together couples can still have fun even if it means pretending to be surprised when they know ahead of time about an event or present.

http://www.suite101.com/content/creating-spontaneity-in-an-asperger-relationship-a175319