Living With Aspergers

Many people misunderstand Aspergers and its effect on those living with it. Is it really a life sentence?

I have Aspergers. Curiously, or not, I was only recently diagnosed at the relatively mature age of 36, only after my children were diagnosed. In fact, it’s been somewhat of a family journey, with first my son being identified for assessment, followed by me recognising the characteristics of Aspergers in his much younger sister, and finally, rather belatedly examining my own history.

It’s not an uncommon scenario, as gen-Xers tended to go undiagnosed in childhood, but with the increasing awareness of autism spectrum, their children, going through the school system, are often recognised first. Add to this the fact that adult women on the mild end of the spectrum are the hardest of all groups to uncover.

Social Impairment in Aspergers

As with most aspies – as people with Aspergers like to call themselves – growing up, I felt personally deficient; aware of my inability to merge socially with my peers, I suffered severe anxiety, but managed to put together a social mask, which, by remaining out of the spotlight and by careful observation of those around me, made me appear "normal." Well into my 30s I was acutely aware of being unable to connect with others as I saw them connecting with each other.

Social Skills, Self-Acceptance and the Importance of the Online Community

Coming to terms with my "deficiencies" took maturity, time to observe and learn social skills, as well as dealing with the crippling anxiety – but most healing of all was discovering that I wasn’t alone, but that I am part of a worldwide community of people who have similar experiences, quirks, and in fact, neurology.

The beginning of my personal road to inner harmony was the affirmation of the online community, a haven perfect for face-to-face-shy aspies. Their stories of common experiences were a portal to self-acceptance.

Role Models for Aspies

As we connect, we come to have a sense of aspie pride – a sense, not of our deficiencies, but of our strengths, of the certain flavor we bring to the world, of what our forebears in neurology have accomplished. People as distinguished as Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and Benjamin Franklin are claimed by the autism community – does it matter if they were not officially diagnosed? Perhaps not.

Adults living with Aspergers, and the young people following in their footsteps, need those role models, people who went forth and achieved, despite or because of, their differences. They need to be encouraged to hold their heads high, because they do face obstacles in this neurotypical world (neurotypical being the neurology typical of people not on the autistic spectrum), to reach their potential, because it ultimately benefits all of us if their strengths are tapped.

Schooling and Asperger's Syndrome

For people with Aspergers, growing up is probably the most hazardous time, since without understanding caregivers and teachers, let alone peers, self-esteem can take a severe beating, leaving sufferers with a sense of low self-worth, and often causing debilitating anxiety, which can have far reaching effects, leading to behavioral and social problems which last into adulthood. For children of the next generation, the outlook is more positive, as more children are identified and referred for diagnosis.

But the truth is, we are still in far from an ideal situation. There is still widespread misunderstanding of Aspergers. Even with a diagnosis, children often find themselves in detrimental environments, particularly at school.

When it comes to the way in which students with Aspergers and their particular needs are managed, it varies widely from school to school, and classroom to classroom. Some schools have embraced the challenge, putting strategies like buddy systems in place to help the student to cope socially, and sending teachers on courses to educate them on the autism spectrum, while other schools still resist change.

Surviving Aspergers

In summary, whether or not Aspergers is a life sentence in a negative sense depends on many things – for children, having their condition understood by caregivers and teachers who can help them to learn skills and strategies for surviving the neurotypical world, avoiding debilitating anxiety; while for adults, becoming connected to others on the spectrum will often lead to a journey of self-acceptance and renewed self-worth.