WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS SCHIZOID

(Written from a woman’s perspective)

It’s an axiom of life that you cannot change another person. Most people in ordinary relationships enter them

 believing that they will mould their partners  to better fit their perception of the perfect partner. Unfortunately, they are doomed to failure.

 But no-one more so than the person who believes he/she can change someone with a schizoid style, or full-blown SPD.

You may find yourself drawn to a schizoid because they are often: sensitive, self-sufficient, independent, intellectual,

 profound thinkers, non-prejudiced, and have a natural affinity for animals and children.

However, they are also often: aloof, detached, distant, emotionally cold, withdrawn, anti-social, unaffectionate, isolated,

 unambitious, insensitive to the needs and feelings of others, and incapable of intimacy.

If you are mature and independent enough to tolerate these traits, then your relationship may work. However,

 your relationship with a schizoid should never be central to your existence, because they are usually incapable of fulfilling your needs for affection,

 closeness, intimacy, and socializing. In addition, they constantly feel pulled between two opposing poles – one

 in which they strongly desire a relationship,

 and another in which they definitely do NOT desire a relationship. This may lead to a pattern of breaking-up and making-up, which may leave

 you feeling bewildered and hurt. Schizoids also require lots of space and solitude. So don’t expect your schizoid partner

 to want to be with you every day – it’s more likely to be once a week, or less.

The only way you can make this relationship work is by maintaining space between you, and never making demands

 of any kind – especially not emotional ones.

 This may sound very one-sided, and perhaps it is. But if you love this man for what he TRULY is

 (and not for how you or therapy is going to change him),

 and you are independent with a strong sense of self-worth, then this relationship stands a chance. Ultimately, you have to want this relationship

 for the pleasure of the limited time you spend in his company, and not for what you can get out of it.

If you do not have a fulfilling life of your own, and are emotionally needy – or needy in any other way,

 I suggest you get out while your heart is still intact.

In reality, a relationship with a schizoid should be no different from any other relationship. It’s just that religion, society, music, poetry,

 and fairy tales have led us to believe that it takes someone else to fulfil our needs and make us happy.

http://www.schizoids.info/schizoidpartners.html